The other night I was sitting around talking with a group of women, and we were sharing what was going on in our lives. I talked about my struggle with infertility, the adoption process, the last fiasco with that whole thing, and how I'm coping with it. Then I said how thankful I am for the children I watch, that I have an outlet for my mother-love and that I have kids who love me. And someone piped up, "Oh, but it's so different when they're your own."
I was a little bit stunned, then I just glossed over it, but later, I was really hurt and annoyed that someone would point this out to me, like I don't know this, or something. I'm sure it's much, much better to have "your own" children love you. I'm sure it's very different. But don't go saying that to childless women who are struggling with the whole thing. At this point, I am going to take what I can get. And I think there is something to be said for having children love you when they don't have to. "Experts" say that kids almost always love their parents, even abusive or neglectful ones. But kids don't always love outsiders. My kids love me for me, and they don't remember a time when I wasn't in their lives. Their mother is my best friend (a cool perk to the whole situation). Their dad is my best guy friend that I'm not related to. I not only have kids, but I have a whole family.
No, it's not the same. My life is NOT going to be like other people's lives. Our family is not going to be like other families. We're going to be different, and that is ok.
It is different when they’re your own. It’s more pain, and worry, and expense and attitude. I have both kinds of children,my own and others that have been graciously shared and I love them. I LOVE THEM ALL!! And I love your children and Kristen’s- and I’m thankful that you brought them into my life.
And I’m sorry for thoughtless remarks made by people who aren’t sensitive.
And I love you.
Always.
Just the way you are.
I’m sorry that people say stupid, thoughtless things like that . . . and so sorry that you’re going through this at all ! What a beautiful blessing, though, you are to these children, and vice versa ! You are in my prayers !!
people are dumb.
some of my favorites….said at womens studies…
“he’s a good provider” SO…. all that matters is men bring home the money, not that they are good, upstanding, caring, decent loving men??
“God didn’t bless their marriage” This was said about Naomi’s daughters in laws- when I asked why, the response from the leader was- “Because they didn’t have children” REALLY. REALLY? You want to open that bag with me? Puh-lease! Children are a blessing, a miracle, but not THE blessing, not THE only gift from God. Take this reasoning much further and you get into some crazy theology.
And one from last Sunday but I’m still pondering the Biblical response- from a theological standpoint of total depravity I get it, but to say one “abnormally born” aka miscarriage or abortion was not “deserving to live”?????? Don’t know where to go with that one, but it stings. What about “fearfully and wonderfully made”??
I love you and I am so thankful for your family, in all it’s wonderful forms. You are a great mommy, and I’m proud of you.
yeah. it was a good thing I didn’t go to group. obviously, i would have not kept a lid on it… 🙂
WOW! Some people are ignorant, but we also need to remember that people don’t think through what they say at times and don’t realize how much it will hurt, but still it does hurt!
You are so wonderful to Olivia, Emma, and Ben. They are so blessed to have you in their lives.
I admire your strength and openness, Ally!
You made a great point in saying “”Experts” say that kids almost always love their parents, even abusive or neglectful ones. But kids don’t always love outsiders. My kids love me for me,…” RIGHT ON!
Man, Hannah – you took the words right out of my mouth. People are dumb. And they just don’t think about how their dumb words are going to affect someone else.
God put you with those kids and that family for a reason… maybe to bide some time… maybe to grow a big happy unrelated family… My godmother always says “Friends are the family we choose….”
Wash the comment away with kisses from the kids… and know that I pray for you everyday…