Hopefully, it’s just a phase

Lately, I haven’t been much interested in the whole process of recording my life. No scrapbooking. No journaling. No photography, even. Obviously, no blogging! I’ve been really focused on other things, and I’ve been really happy, but I know that I love the whole recording my life process. So is this just a phase? A break? Who knows.

I started on this recording thing after my Mum died, almost ten years ago. When she died, it seemed like I lost not only my mother, but most of my past as well. The stories and the memories, the photo opportunities–all of it died too. I went a little nuts starting from scratch, determined to "save" my life by writing it down, capturing it on film, and making sure I would not lose anything again. And maybe now, ten years later, maybe I don’t need to do that anymore. I feel like I’ve been looking inward and putting my life under the microscope for so long, that I’ve arrived at the place where none of it is necessary. I’m not saying that I’m done with it, of course. I’m not going to stop scrapbooking or journaling, or taking photos, or blogging; I enjoy doing all of those things. But thinking about these activites doesn’t have that driven feeling behind it anymore.  Some moments are lose-able. Some moments are meant to be just that: moments. Ephemeral, transient, POOF. And that is the beauty of those moments. I’ll keep documenting the important stuff, but the important stuff is no longer ALL the stuff.

So.

I think this is my attempt to justify my lack-luster blogging lately. In fact, if I hadn’t noticed the marked drop in my other normal activities, I’d just call it a break. But I think this goes deeper than that.

I think I’m not afraid of loss anymore, not the way I have been. And that feels good.