The new year always begins so well. I am always so optimistic and rosy-cheeked about the whole thing. "This is THE year," I tell myself. "The year that I will finally pull myself together! The year that I will finally grow up and be mature! I will be serene, patient, disciplined, and compassionate." And then, five days into it, I realize that I am a roiling pit of unbridled anxiety, impatience, laziness, and apathy. It's always such a fun discovery. I KNOW that those things I want–serenity, patience, discipline, compassion–are not impossible. I know they are traits that can be learned, practiced, and made habitual. I know that God gives grace to those who seek Him, to those who ask for these good things. I am just too anxious, impatient, and lazy to do the work involved. I want to wake up and be different. Today has been a trial of sorts. One little thing set me off, and I spiraled down the path of negativity and disgruntledness.
Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow, I will practice.
Okay, so is it wierd that the picture of Jade made me cry? I know she is right next to me as I am looking at the picture. I guess, I just really miss you guys. It’s like peering through the lookng glass at the past and remebering the good times that were had last summer.
You have, you are and you will continue to show all those virtues and graces! It is just that you are too honest to claim them as permanent or intrinsically yours. Christ is doing His work in your life. Don’t give up on yourself, yet, baby!
Love you-warts and all! Always!
Sounds like you need to give yourself a bit more credit for who you are, not who you think you are on a bad day….
Believe in you Ally!!!!!!!!!!!!!