Any Similar Revival

It started well enough. I got up on time, was ready early, remembered everything I needed to take to church with me. And then things just started going wrong. I couldn’t get my harmony right on some of the songs during practice. I gave someone something that I thought would please her, and my timing was just all wrong, and I think I hurt her instead. I was thinking I looked particularly nice, and someone told me I looked tired. And in our sermon, about finding hope in despair, we were encouraged to "think of our darkest moment." Yikes. Not really my favorite place to go. I can hardly bear to look at it, even ten years later. And now I’m feeling particularly fragile, and probably not up to the emotional task of decorating the tree, which challenges me even when I’m feeling strong.

I’m going to share that darkest moment. Maybe it will make it easier. Maybe it can be a beautiful testimony of God’s faithfulness, that I can tell it ten years later and say, "Through his grace, I have gotten this far." I was sitting in the chapel of the Cleveland Clinic with Heidi and Meredith, clutching their hands, and I was hysterical. My mom was going to die. She hadn’t died yet, but the doctors had pretty much told us that there was nothing else to be done. And for the first time, I looked into that black abyss looming in front of me, and it frightened me more than anything I had ever seen. And that was where I was going to have to go. What I wished for, ironically enough, was to be ten years into the future, when I imagined it wouldn’t hurt so much or be so scary. I was afraid of grief. I knew I was going to lose my mind, and I did, for a while. I knew I was going to lose ALL that I had, and I did. But I can sit here, ten years later, when it still hurts so much, and say, God is good. And he has stripped the fear away from death. The sermon’s title was "Finding Hope in Despair." I have hope, much hope, overwhelming hope.

From the text: "Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust–there may yet be hope. . .For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love." Lamentations 3: 28–29, 31–32

I’m glad December starts tomorrow, but I don’t think I’m ready for it. We’re going to get our tree tonight, and that makes me both deliriously happy and really really anxious. What would it be like, I wonder, to do just one emotion at a time? I don’t think I’ll ever know.

working on it. . . .

I fixed the first link in my "Psyching Myself up for the Season" post. It wasn’t working before.

Sorry!

I bit the bullet yesterday and started decorating. It feels a bit early, but I know that if I don’t start now, I’ll feel behind when December rolls around. The Christmas Spode came up from the basement, the creche appeared on top of the cupboard. Giant paper snowflakes began falling from the window frames! And shiny bright berries began to burst from the shelves. Weird.

Proof:

I had the worst headache of my life yesterday. It began in the afternoon, but it didn’t become the raging beast until 3:30 am, when I awoke wanting to throw up, cry, and bury my head under 5 tons of pillows. I staggered downstairs, took some Tylenol, and waited and waited and waited, emitting small wimpers every few seconds. I woke up late and feeling delicate and half-baked this morning. And now I want to lay around cozied up on the couch in my jammies, surrounded by books and endless cups of tea. That probably won’t happen, but maybe for a few hours, I will indulge my inner consumptive.

Anyways, the Christmas season looms before us, like a beacon of light on a dark night, or perhaps like a great white shark that no one else knows is in the swimming pool. (but you know it’s there!) So to inspire myself, and also to prove that "Yes! You can DO this Allyson!" I looked here . What fun! I wish I could just hit repeat and do everything the same way this year. The "Ornament Melancholia" post made me cry though. It’s still a bittersweet season for me, no matter how fun or joyous or celebratory.

I started on our christmas cards this weekend. Which means that Chad and I did the photo shoot, I edited the photo, and then I ordered 100 of them. While it’s impossible to top last year’s card:

. . .it is still pretty cute. I’m not posting it until it’s closer to Christmas though.

I saw these on this blog this morning. I love reading Frog and Toad–it’s my favorite blog to lurk on. Someday, when I feel witty enough to comment, I will. I tried making these snowflakes, but I don’t have a mini stapler, so I did it all except the middle part. I have to go to the store today anyways, so I’ll pick one up and finish it tonight.

Anyone know any really good and fresh Christmas music this year? I need something NEW!

Yesterday was the twins’ fourth birthday, and today, they had their birthday party at Chuckie Cheese’s. I remember CC’s with great fondness from my own childhood. We took our report cards there until we were 12 and got tokens based on our grades. My parents NEVER gave monetary or other incentives to get good grades, so going to CC’s for tokens was a major prize. I loved it all, especially skee-ball. We had fun today, and when the kids were otherwise occupied, Kristen and I rode on the virtual rollercoaster and had our portrait "sketched" by the photo-booth machine. Mike and Chad played basketball and air hockey. How old are we? Not too old for Chuckie Cheese, apparently! But now I have a Chuckie Cheese hangover–too much pizza, cake, ice cream, and ticket counting. And I’m tired. Worth it though.

Making a Wish:

FOUR!

Yesterday was a good day. Chad and I puttered about all morning. I had my Stampin Up phone-a-thon which was VERY successful! Over $800 in orders! Thanks everyone! We went out last night to Hobby Lobby (project photos follow. a hint: we bought googlie eyes!) and Borders, where Chad took a short nap in the nice easy chair. On our way home, I saw the square all lit up and fun and said, "Pull over! Let’s go see the tree in the gazebo on the square." So we did, and there I am! I also took a funny movie by accident with my camera of Chad impersonating a homeless person. But I don’t know how to upload that.

Yesterday was one of the nicest Thanksgivings I’ve ever experienced. I didn’t stress out at all, which is HIGHLY unusual, and I ignored all of my perfectionist tendencies, and I enjoyed myself so much! The food was outstanding–probably some of the best T-day food ever in my experience. The turkey was juicy and flavorful–the juices went straight into the gravy pan, and it was SO perfect that all I had to do was thicken it! I didn’t have to add a thing. The potatoes were yummy (it helps to add a stick of cream cheese AND a stick of butter. . .) and the stuffing was, as usual, my favorite thing. We had a good time enjoying each other–nobody was snippy, nobody was stressed out. Afterwards, Heidi, Cynthia & I (with the occassional Jordan or Chad drop-in) watched Meet Me in St. Louis, and cried at all the appropriate parts.

Evidence of the day:

I am testing out a trial version of DVD slideshow software. My genius husband figured out how to post it here on my blog.

The music actually lasts much longer than the photos, but you can stop it when the photos stop. It’s nice music though!

I LOVE Thanksgiving. Love it!

Here is an idea that Chad found and sent to me a few weeks ago. In case you need something new for your turkey:

And here is a good article about capturing Thanksgiving Day photos. I thought it had some good advice and ideas.

I’m sure you’ll be seeing our Thanksgiving photos tomorrow or Friday!

Have fun getting ready! Heidi always makes the stuffing the day ahead and has some for breakfast. If I’m smart enough to get there in time, I have some too.

Two of my favorite blogs, by two of my favorite people, have focused all month on thankfulness and gratitude. My cousin Liz, www.lizsupdate.blogspot.com and my sweet friend Kim, www.hiraeth.squarespace.com have posted daily "What I am thankful for" entries. And I’ve admired their posts and lists and intended to do the same thing myself. But for some reason, I just can’t get in the right frame of mind. I AM thankful, and I want to be more thankful, because I know that I am blessed beyond imagining.

*I am thankful for the energy I usually have (like, when I’m not sick!) to accomplish the tasks I want to accomplish.

*I am thankful for my overall good health and strong body that has few aches and pains.

*I am thankful for my husband, who is loving and funny and sweet.

*I am thankful for my family–the generous, wonderful, supportive, comforting, FUN people I am lucky enough to be related to.

*I am thankful for my friends–ALL of you.

*I am thankful for cold medicine, ibuprofin, and sleep aids. If I lived a hundred years ago, I would be miserable most of the time.  🙂

*I am thankful for my camera. My computer. My dishwasher. My CAR. My bike.

*I am thankful for my craft room.     And all the stuff in it.

*I am thankful for Shepherds Grace Church and for the larger Church all over the world and throughout time. I’m thankful beyond measure to be part of the body of Christ.

*I am thankful for Meredith, who spent nine months in Iraq answering the call of duty for our nation. And I am SO thankful that she is home safely!

*I am thankful for the safe delivery of cutie-pie baby Billy.

*I am thankful for my three favorite children, Olivia, Ben and Emma.

*I am thankful for the internet. And Adobe photoshop. And M & Ms.

*I am thankful that I get to sing with people like Chad, Jill and Linda on an almost weekly basis. What a blessing!

*I am thankful for Emma, Ada, and Myles. The furry people who live in our house.

*I am thankful for the big turkey thawing in the fridge. And for the ten pound bag of potatoes!