I'm trying to blog with a cat on my lap. We'll see how it goes.
This morning, Heidi and I drove out to Ashland to meet Willow and Aidan. Heidi is going to Columbus for a few days to grandmother the small boy, but she arranged it so we could have an outing before she left.
Here we are at the Parsley Pot, buying herbs and checking stuff out.
Love those red pants!
(BTW, the cat just left.)
I can't believe Aidan is already a year old! Luke, Willow, and the Ax-Man came up to NEOhio for the weekend to celebrate the little guy's first birthday. We rode on the train through the Cuyahoga Valley from Akron to Peninsula, then hopped off for lunch at the Winking Lizard and a stroll through the [HOT] quaint streets, then boarded the train to return to Akron. Somebody is really, really cute.
OOPS! Dearie me, NOT whom you were expecting?
How's this?
The last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster around here. I haven't blogged about it because I just couldn't. It's still difficult to put this out here, but I'm going to.
Our social worker called us on St. Patrick's Day to tell us of a possible foster/adoptive placement of a baby who is yet to be born. We've waited through changing due dates and no information, feelings of euphoria and absolute dread, and that wonderfully delightful feeling of butterflies in the tum-tum and sitting on pins and needles. Today, I finally talked to the worker who has actually met with the (very) young birth parents. She is adept at reading birth parents and assessing their commitment to their decision to place their babies for adoption. She told me that these two said all the right things, but that her gut tells her they will probably change their minds. "When they're that young and they hold their baby for the first time, they just can't do it. They want somebody to love."
And we go plunging down the BIG hill of the roller coaster. Whee.
I know that nothing is written in stone. Heck, they could decide to place the baby, sign the papers, and then change their minds in a week. They can change their minds until the state gets permanent custody from the courts, and the time that takes can vary. They could decide to raise the baby and then change their minds. Or they could surrender and NOT change their minds. Or keep her (did I say the baby is a girl? It's a girl) and not change their minds. We might never hear from these two again, as it is up to them to call the worker, and if they decide to raise the baby, they won't need to tell anybody. Is that vague and uncertain enough for you?
This whole experience is emotionally shattering. I've been a wreck, unable to settle to any activity. It's the not knowing that is killing me. I can handle not getting the baby–I'm well practiced at NOT getting babies. But this promise of a baby, this maybe of a baby, ugh! I am so weary of disappointment. I know that God is in control. I know that if this little girl isn't meant for us, someday there will be another little one who is. I know that. But sometimes that doesn't make a bit of difference to how I feel.
I sent out an email today to some friends and family. In it, I asked them to not ask me questions unless I bring it up. It's hard to explain why, and I don't know that I did a very good job, and I hope I didn't hurt anyone with my words. A dear friend of mine wrote back and she expressed for me EXACTLY what I'm feeling:
"I think it is wise of you to alert all of those who love you and are concerned for you both in this brave new step in your life…alert us honestly as to the fragile nature of the present and let us do our "hoping" in private as you are. When you are faced with the tenuousness of a situation each day, each moment …the well-intended inquiries of friends and families can bring you to the brink. It just becomes too much to repeat all the details over and over."
The baby is due April 30th. And that's all I know.
Please feel free to comment–I love encouragement. I will keep you posted.
Which is a good thing, because obviously I haven't felt much like talking lately!
I am slowly catching up on photo-editing.
Tuesday, the kids had a sleepover here and spent all day yesterday at "Camp Allyson." We all had a great time, although I was really, REALLY bummed that it was too wet and rainy to play outside.
For breakfast the next morning, we made some doughnut-muffin things.
And sat around in our jammies for most of the day. We also built forts and hide-outs upstairs in "their room." (They've slept there twice now, and already it is their room.)
And we made stuff, but of course.
Then, their mama came and took them away to their next Spring Break Sleepover, much to my cats' relief. Emma (the girl) stalked poor Ada the entire time she was over, calling her Bada and bossing her around. The other Emma, of the feline persuasion, hid under ottomans and in the linen cupboard the whole time. She came out right after they left, desperate for love and snuggles. What are these old ladies going to do when we get our foster kids?? Myles was in heaven though: he loves these kids!
Here are some from my walk the other day, in which Myles and I got really wet and muddy.
So smiley!
It was lovely out there. I am so fond of cloudy days for photographing things.
Sorry about that. I was preoccupied with houseguests and being sick and Easter and everything. Today is just the deep breath before the next plunge into busy-ness, so I thought I better get something up here quick!
Here are some shots from the weekend:
I have lots more, but I still need to edit them.
Chad's mom is here for the weekend. She arrived yesterday afternoon, and Chad picked her up from the airport and spent some fun time with her. On my way home from work, I decided that I, too, would be on vacation this weekend. I would order what I wanted, sleep in, stay up late, watch movies, shop, not worry about the state of my house or anything else. We kicked off the trip with a stop at macaroni grill with bellinis.
I must think I'm on vacation, because I never act like this normally! Ever!
We stayed up late watching Return to Me, which Mom had never seen. Even Chad watched with us (he always watches movies with me. and he cries, too). Then to bed, where I had a wretched night dealing with sinus headache, sore throat, and achy back. I blame those germy children I'm with all the time.
Today, we're going out. A walk through the national park, lunch in Peninsula, a trip to my favorite thrift store, and back again for naps and tea. That sounds like vacation, yes?
hmpf.
Our garden/tent city. Doesn't it look ever so springy?
But this was cheery yesterday:
And my mess is keeping me company.
Spring makes me crazy.
So much color and energy everywhere.
Miracles are a dime a dozen.
And it all makes me want to explode into making.
I start itching to create and start projects and finish things and re-do other things and color my world gold and crimson. And, this is the best part, I try to do all those things at the same time. I overwhelm myself and get discouraged and feel stalled-out. NOT what I wanted at all. Boo. I did manage to complete two things yesterday, however.
Dirty knees:
And a finished sewing project: new skirt!
Spring is making me tired. How are the rest of you coping?
And when the loved ones are as cute as these two, well that's even perkier!
Yesterday, we took a quick walk around the block to blow the cobwebs out of our brains.
I love those chartreuse blossoms on the trees.
After the whites and greys and blacks and blues of winter, that yellow-green is a shocker!
Don't we look shocked?
There was a beam-type thing at the camp where we had our retreat this weekend. I was having fun walking on it.
La la la la la, walking on the beam.
"Hi! I am walking on the beam! See my balance!"
Jumping off the end is fun too! But let's try it again to get a better picture.
Oh, MUCH better! Wheeee!!!
And then. . . .
Ouch! What happened?
We have no idea. My dear, thoughtful, caring friend Linda, who took these pictures, was too busy laughing hysterically and taking pictures of me on my can to notice why I fell. One minute, I was on my feet, and then, I just wasn't. Aside from a brain-ache for a few hours, I was totally fine.
And now I can't stop laughing when I see the photo!
Hahahahahaha!
We've been creative the past few days. It must be spring in the air!
Chad built me some garden boxes for my Square Foot Garden experiment this summer:
And I've been making wet, colorful messes on my journal pages.
I'm leaving today for our church's annual women's retreat in Ashland. It's going to be a great weekend!
And, I love pretty purple flowers, glowing in my hands.
I'll see you all back here in a few days!
