WARNING! THIS POST IS KIND OF GROSS, INCLUDING THE PHOTOS. BUT DON’T LET THAT STOP YOU!
So I’m making dinner tonight. I have my ingredients out, I have things lined up, I’m starting to really look forward to my french onion salisbury steak. And I’m chopping up my green onion quite finely and quickly with my big ole sharp chef’s knife. And then I hit my finger. I can tell from the pressure from the knife that it’s bad, that it’s probably bleeding, and I’m afraid to look. So I stick it immediately in my mouth and start panicking. What to do, what to do? I find my cell phone, because my landline is down today, and call Chad. He’s not there. I call Heidi and say, "I think I might have an emergency. I just cut off part of my finger." She says, "That is definitely an emergency." Now something you need to know about me is that I get very lightheaded and stupid when I hurt myself, especially if it’s gross and absolutely if it’s bleeding. I know I can’t drive myself to the ER, so I call Hannah and ask for a ride. Of course she agrees, because she is a True Friend. I call Chad in the meantime, tell him in a weepy voice that I just cut up my finger and wait for Hannie.
So Hannah and I arrive at the ER, and I go to the triage nurse. She sees my bloody paper-towelled hand and says, "Cut your finger?" I nod. "Do you have it?" Uh, no. I did pick it up off the cutting board, but I dropped it on the floor and really, who has the right frame of mind to get on her hands and knees and look for a sliver of nail and skin? Not me, I was busy sucking my finger and running around panicking.
We sit down to wait. Heidi arrives in a breathless blur. "I just had to see that you’re all right!" I show her my wound. "It’s not as bad as I thought it would be," she says. Good thing, that. Then Billy and Julie show up. Turns out that Chad is calling in all the troops. "Dude, we’ll totally go to your house and find your finger," Billy volunteers, Julie nodding vigorously in agreement. My friends are seriously going beyond the call of duty now. Chad rushes in, pale, anxious. I show him my finger. "It’s not as bad as I thought it would be, " he says. He thought I’d cut it off at the first knuckle or something. "I called Jim," he says. I’m like, "What do you mean you called Jim? Now it’s going to be all over the prayer chain, and it’s ‘not as bad’ as everyone thinks!" Linda arrives. Now I’m laughing. I’m the star of the emergency room. All these parents are there with little kids, and then there’s me, with the bloody finger and all my groupies. Jim arrives.
They finally call me back, clean me up, tell me it’s not that bad, and give me a tetanus shot. Chad and I have been amusing ourselves with the "Universal Pain Assessment Tool" chart on the wall (you know 1 being no pain and 10 being the worst possible pain.) We are acting out the different levels and making the other guess which number.
I felt kind of dumb. My cut really wasn’t that bad, and I felt like maybe I’d been a weenie. But Chad said, "NO, this was the right decision. It was a chance to all get together and show us how much we’re loved." And he’s right. I have wonderful people in my life, and I have a piece of my finger in a plastic baggie that Julie found on my kitchen floor to prove it. Thanks guys! I love you and you are the best!
Is it wrong that I laughed out loud while reading this story? You have a knack for telling the best stories about your injuries and illnesses. (Such as the infamous 100-mile bike ride story that is posted somewhere on this blog.)
Remember the time you smashed your head on the bunk bed our freshman year and Melissa and I got campus security to take us to the ER? We knew things weren’t right with you when you said that words weren’t making sense. Or that time we went to Zerbe Health Center when you smashed your finger? I had to hold your other hand so you could squeeze the life out of it while the doctor drilled a hole in your fingernail to let the pressure out. Good times.
No, it’s not wrong–I laughed myself just now rereading it. Ah yes, the trip down memory lane. I’d totally forgotten about the ER visit freshman year, but it’s all coming back now, especially all the giggling about the sort of cute nurse? doctor? who was checking out my lumpy head. The fingernail was and still is the number one worst thing that I’ve done to myself–nothing has hurt like that, and I DID lose my nail that time. Remember how light-headed I got after he drilled it, and I had to put my head between my knees? Good times indeed! Happy to keep you all amused and entertained! 🙂
it’s ok to laugh, I’m almost crying here at work, and I was there last night. People just kept showing up, it was great! Ally missed the hospital dog in training though when she went in to the back though. Here we are, Ally & her entourage, taking pictures and finding finger parts, while there are families with their flu infested children who braved the subzero temperatures to come to good old Medina ER where you have to park a half mile away. Good times. Seriously though, I’m glad it wasn’t worse, and that everything was ok in the end, we all got together and hung out which was fun. I’ll drive you to the ER anytime Ally. Love you! P.S. I forgot about the cookies, they are still safely frozen in my car, always bring snacks to the ER, since they make you wait an hour to even sign paperwork to get through the door.
Here’s another thought: Who had the presence of mind to bring a camera with them??
I’m glad that you are alright. Hannah called me last night and told me she was on her way to your house because you cut your finger. I had no idea it you cut part of your figure off! yikes!
I didn’t get a phone call. I know I’m in Florida, but come on!! Who says I wouldn’t fly up to the ER for my favorite gal?! Where’s the love?
Honestly, though, Allyson, I’m so glad it was only minor, and you are okay, with all digits present and accounted for. 🙂
Jenn, it wasn’t presence of mind, it was just my normal care and forethough–my point and shoot digital camera lives in my purse, so I always have it with me. Good thing, too. How else could I have shared my yucky finger with all of you?